Common or not so common courtesy

One day on our recent trip to Puerto Rico, hubby, baby, and I decided to head down to Old San Juan to look at the forts and do some shopping. There are a ton of things I could write about that day, but what struck me even more than the time we spent there, was our ride there and back. We decided to take the city bus. This was quite a cultural experience. When we got on, it was crowded. People were sitting in every available seat, and many more were standing in the aisles holding on to the hand grips on the ceiling. As we deposited our change in the meter, I thought we couldn’t possibly move past the entry to the bus. We knew in advance that there would be no room for a car-seat, so I was planning on holding the baby on my lap. No sooner had I tried to step past the meter into the sea of bodies, than a young man stood up and offered me his seat. He moved to allow hubby to stand beside me and we fit the stroller in front of my legs. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Although our destination was only a few miles down the road, the bus did not take the most direct path, but rather drove through the housing projects. As we passed through the barbed wire fence surrounding the projects and I looked at the barred doors, windows, and even porches, I began to wonder why I ever thought taking the bus with my one year old would be a good idea. People got on and off at every stop, and just when I thought the bus couldn’t possibly hold one more person, more would get on, and somehow room for them would be made.

Now here is what blew my mind. I suppose it is a discriminatory view, but I expected everyone who got on and off in the projects to be tough and care about no one but themselves. Yet, time and again, I was proven wrong. I love to observe people, and I realized as the bus drove on that the man who got up to give me his seat was demonstrating the rule there, not the exception as I first assumed. I witnessed that every time an older, fragile person or a person with a baby or toddler would get on the bus, someone would give his or her seat up for that person. It didn’t matter if the person had gotten on in a nice or not so nice area or where they were headed. Giving up one’s seat for those who need it more was just the way it was.

With all the people crowded on the bus, it was HOT. It was in the eighties or nineties outside to begin with, and the bus acted as a sauna. Before I knew it, Bug-a-Boo’s hair was getting damp with sweat. Hubby poured some water from our water bottle onto his head in an attempt to cool him off. That only made him mad, and he began crying. I didn’t know what to do, but felt like everyone was watching us. As I listened to those around us speaking Spanish, I imagined them saying, “What is that crazy woman thinking bringing a baby on this bus?” Then a lady began speaking directly to me. I had no idea what she was saying (in Spanish), but she was gesturing to the back of the bus. I looked back where I saw another man pointing toward a vent in the ceiling. I got the impression that the lady was telling me to go stand under the vent to cool my son off. As the bus came to a stop, I stood up and headed back to do just that. Soon, however, the bus lurched back into motion, and I almost fell. It’s hard to hold onto a hand-grip and balance a fussing 26 pound baby! Hands reached out from all sides to steady me. There was more talking aimed my way in Spanish and more gesturing. I then noticed that one man had sneaked a window open and was offering me his seat right next to it. I sat down, more grateful than before for a stable seat, and let Bug-a-Boo stand on my lap and put his face in the breeze while I held him securely. He almost immediately calmed down, glad to feel the cooler air and glad to be able to enjoy the view. Everyone on the bus seemed to breath a sigh of relief – at least I know I did.

As we neared our destination which was also the end of the line, a man who was from the area, but spoke English apologized for the heat on the bus and explained that it was not normally this way. Apparently there had been some kind of bus strike, so things were abnormally crowded, and apparently our bus’s air conditioner was broken.

On the return trip to the hotel, I saw a teenager put his stuff on a seat next to him. (Because we boarded the bus at its point of origin there, for a stop or two it was not so crowded.) As soon as an older lady got on and grabbed for a hand-hold, a man who didn’t appear to know either the lady or the teenager came over and reprimanded him until he yielded the seat for the woman! How different that seemed to me than in the continental states where I am quite certain the woman would have had to hold on and no one would have dared say a word!

While the heat and crowding were not fun and the bus ride seemed to last forever, (By the time we got to our destination, we had averaged maybe 5 miles an hour!) I am so glad we didn’t take a taxi, but took the bus. The people of Puerto Rico, especially those who lived in the projects, taught me two things. The first was a good reminder to not judge people based on where they live. The second was also a good reminder, and that was to think of others first. I was so impressed by the way people, without a second thought, sacrificed their own comfort (a stable seat) when they saw someone who needed it more. I may not be able to change our society as a whole so that this becomes our cultural norm, but I can change my attitude and what I teach and model for my child and for those in my circle of influence. So please, if you’re ever in a situation where you are on some crowded form of transportation and you see an elderly person, someone with a disability, or trying to balance a young child, be the first to offer your seat. I know that is what I aim to do in the future.